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| Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha find there's no sex worth staying for in this outback city. |
I want to take this opportunity
to say congratulations, mainly to myself, for reaching the penultimate town in
the Quest For Love™. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions, fake tan and
side-swept hair, but the journey is nearly over.
The bus is now rolling into
Mount Isa, the outback city which once had a mayor so concerned with the gender
imbalance in town he urged ugly women to move there to find love. I am not
making this up.
Tash the dance teacher tells us
she’s always itching to see the new guys. She should really get that looked at.
And what better time than in Mount Isa, because lo and behold one of the guys
here is a doctor. The other one is an engineer. Doctor James tells us his
nickname around town is ‘Dr Do Me’, and he’s looking for a girl who is a
smartass. I’m right here, James. Tom the ginger engineer is on the mine rescue
squad and says he loves being underground. Why is he single do you think?
There’s nothing like a twist to
keep people interested, so this time around the girls will be speed dating both
eligible bachelors at a pool party. As the speed dates begin, Ainslie’s bikini
leaks to make it look like she has giant pink nipples. We find out Tom bought a
keyboard last night, and Dr Do Me asks for opinions about alfalfa sprouts. Dr
Do Me also tells a girl if she were a burger, she’d be a McBeautiful. McVomit.
And if dating both men wasn’t enough of a twist, the surprises keep coming, as
Lesbian Caitlin who stayed in Port Macquarie with Golf Man is back. Love didn’t
work out, I think we all know why. But she’s back to have another go at finding
a man attractive. She does her speed dates while the other girls bitch about
her.
Sensing some tension, Lesbian
Caitlin checks in with Cat Lady Amy to see how she’s doing. Cat Lady thinks
Lesbian is in it to win it and not interested in finding love. They have a
bitch fight and then it’s time for the boys to choose who they want to take on
dates. Dr Do Me chooses Magic Man Jess for a date, but the Gingineer also wants
Magic Man. The choice is hers and she goes with Gingineer. Dr Do Me then chooses
Old Gal Ainslie, Gingineer chooses Lesbian while all the other girls give her
death stares. The last girl chosen is Neighbours lookalike Zoe, who gets to
discuss more legumes and sprouts with Dr Do Me. According to Neighbours Zoe, it’s
most girls dream to date a doctor, and she thinks Ainslie is a bit rough around
the edges. They’re called wrinkles, Zoe.
Gingineer takes Magic Man and
Lesbian in a plane to the middle of nowhere. He goes for a swim with Lesbian
and they float silently in a waterhole. Magic Man waits patiently for her turn
to float in silence, but when the time comes, a croc is in the water and she
freaks out. “It’s just a freshy” Gingineer reassures her. But she doesn’t care
if it’s, “a freshy, a salty or a peppery” she’s not getting in the water. They find
another waterhole and Gingineer jumps in, while Magic Man tells him not to get
eaten by a shark. I don’t think sharks and crocs coexist, Jess.
Dr Do Me and Neighbours Zoe go
kayaking after a tour of Mount Isa. That’s as exciting as it gets. We are
pretty well into the episode and there hasn’t yet been one mention of Ainslie’s
age. Dr Do Me takes the old gal on a hike, and considering how ancient she is
she keeps up pretty well, hopping from boulder to boulder. They take a selfie
to recapture their youth, and she finds a leaf shaped like a love heart but
then proceeds to break it in half. An ominous sign. Dr Do Me is also handy in
the kitchen and cooks up a storm for the girls. We learn Zoe is allergic to
swordfish, and the Old Gal starts to plot in the corner.
Gingineer and the girls sit
around a table in awkward silence. Lesbian Caitlin goes to bed early leaving just
Magic Man sitting in silence with Gingy. He can’t put two words together to
save himself and she is wishing she had let that croc chew her up and spit her
out.
Decision day dawns, will the
gender imbalance be improved in Mount Isa today? Not likely, as both Neighbours
Zoe and Old Gal Ainslie leave Dr Do Me to get back on the bus. At least he’ll
always have his nickname. Lesbian Caitlin leaves the Gingineer, so it’s down to
Jess. Is Tom her mute magic man? Na. She’s back on the bus with one more town
to go, Airlie Beach.
Until then, be safe, be wise, and be honourable in your
Quest For Love™.
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