When Love Aims To Address The Gender Imbalance

Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha find there's
no sex worth staying for in this outback city. 

I want to take this opportunity to say congratulations, mainly to myself, for reaching the penultimate town in the Quest For Love™. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions, fake tan and side-swept hair, but the journey is nearly over.

The bus is now rolling into Mount Isa, the outback city which once had a mayor so concerned with the gender imbalance in town he urged ugly women to move there to find love. I am not making this up. 

Tash the dance teacher tells us she’s always itching to see the new guys. She should really get that looked at. And what better time than in Mount Isa, because lo and behold one of the guys here is a doctor. The other one is an engineer. Doctor James tells us his nickname around town is ‘Dr Do Me’, and he’s looking for a girl who is a smartass. I’m right here, James. Tom the ginger engineer is on the mine rescue squad and says he loves being underground. Why is he single do you think?

There’s nothing like a twist to keep people interested, so this time around the girls will be speed dating both eligible bachelors at a pool party. As the speed dates begin, Ainslie’s bikini leaks to make it look like she has giant pink nipples. We find out Tom bought a keyboard last night, and Dr Do Me asks for opinions about alfalfa sprouts. Dr Do Me also tells a girl if she were a burger, she’d be a McBeautiful. McVomit. And if dating both men wasn’t enough of a twist, the surprises keep coming, as Lesbian Caitlin who stayed in Port Macquarie with Golf Man is back. Love didn’t work out, I think we all know why. But she’s back to have another go at finding a man attractive. She does her speed dates while the other girls bitch about her.

Sensing some tension, Lesbian Caitlin checks in with Cat Lady Amy to see how she’s doing. Cat Lady thinks Lesbian is in it to win it and not interested in finding love. They have a bitch fight and then it’s time for the boys to choose who they want to take on dates. Dr Do Me chooses Magic Man Jess for a date, but the Gingineer also wants Magic Man. The choice is hers and she goes with Gingineer. Dr Do Me then chooses Old Gal Ainslie, Gingineer chooses Lesbian while all the other girls give her death stares. The last girl chosen is Neighbours lookalike Zoe, who gets to discuss more legumes and sprouts with Dr Do Me. According to Neighbours Zoe, it’s most girls dream to date a doctor, and she thinks Ainslie is a bit rough around the edges. They’re called wrinkles, Zoe.

Gingineer takes Magic Man and Lesbian in a plane to the middle of nowhere. He goes for a swim with Lesbian and they float silently in a waterhole. Magic Man waits patiently for her turn to float in silence, but when the time comes, a croc is in the water and she freaks out. “It’s just a freshy” Gingineer reassures her. But she doesn’t care if it’s, “a freshy, a salty or a peppery” she’s not getting in the water. They find another waterhole and Gingineer jumps in, while Magic Man tells him not to get eaten by a shark. I don’t think sharks and crocs coexist, Jess.

Dr Do Me and Neighbours Zoe go kayaking after a tour of Mount Isa. That’s as exciting as it gets. We are pretty well into the episode and there hasn’t yet been one mention of Ainslie’s age. Dr Do Me takes the old gal on a hike, and considering how ancient she is she keeps up pretty well, hopping from boulder to boulder. They take a selfie to recapture their youth, and she finds a leaf shaped like a love heart but then proceeds to break it in half. An ominous sign. Dr Do Me is also handy in the kitchen and cooks up a storm for the girls. We learn Zoe is allergic to swordfish, and the Old Gal starts to plot in the corner.

Gingineer and the girls sit around a table in awkward silence. Lesbian Caitlin goes to bed early leaving just Magic Man sitting in silence with Gingy. He can’t put two words together to save himself and she is wishing she had let that croc chew her up and spit her out.

Decision day dawns, will the gender imbalance be improved in Mount Isa today? Not likely, as both Neighbours Zoe and Old Gal Ainslie leave Dr Do Me to get back on the bus. At least he’ll always have his nickname. Lesbian Caitlin leaves the Gingineer, so it’s down to Jess. Is Tom her mute magic man? Na. She’s back on the bus with one more town to go, Airlie Beach.

Until then, be safe, be wise, and be honourable in your Quest For Love™.