Secondly, can we get a few more adjectives to describe these farmers? As fun as alliteration is, I think all the 'bush bachelors' and 'country cuties' and 'hot horsemen' could be given a rest for a while. I also hate it when they describe farmers as 'sensitive'. The worst one yet, however, is 'Cheeky charmer farmer Ben'. If you say it really fast, it sounds like the name of a Middle Eastern dictator. ie: Cheek-ee-chahmah Fahmah-ben.
Speaking of Fahmah-ben. He seems to be the most desperate to find a wife, yet he has chosen to hang out with a few blondes on the farm. Not that there's anything wrong with that, blondes do have more fun. But therein lies the problem, the program isn't named "Farmer Wants to Bang a Hot Blonde". He's also a bogan.
Farmer Nick has been hanging out on the farm with no interaction with anyone or thing but his potatoes and it certainly shows. He seems to like the Sarah Hanson-Young lookalike, but Nick, I'll give you the hot tip: telling a girl we "should get you into breeding" may not be the way to put a ring on it.
Farmer Mark (or as I will refer to him, Buck Melanoma) has that unattractive mole on his top lip. And I must say, BM is one of the most insipid farmers yet to grace the show. He has tickets on himself though, so it's good to see someone likes him, even if it is himself. Then there is Emily, one of his girls who thought a banana leaf was a snake skin. He seems to like her, but I would suggest a DNA test as they could be brother and sister. Also, "cheersing" to a barramundi is a new low.
Farmer Melia - the poor girl farmers always have to put up with a few creeps and this season is no exception. One of the creeps had the decency not to show, but luckily there was another one a mere three ours away in Perth. I like the location of her farm/winery, but found it a little odd that when they were at the beach, the boys were playing with each other while her and her bikinis were bathing alone. It's almost as bad as it sounds.
Farmer Kieran had the pleasure of faux-shearing one of his girls, much to her delight. Not. Can you say awkward? I must say I do like Kieran's house, even though he's probably just living there for the show. It is a cute country cottage... suck on that alliteration, Nat! I also enjoyed Kieran's flamingo pink shirt, it takes a real man to wear pink properly and I think he succeeded.
That brings us to Farmer Charles, who looks like he's loaded but not wanting a wife. Perhaps a husband? And one of the girls he invited back to the farm is a major tryhard and reminds me of someone I don't like but I'm not sure who. I also wonder where the car went when they were crossing the river in the tractor? Was the rescue necessary or just a ploy for Charles to cop a grope? Only time will tell.
Fun fact: Farmer Charles lives in Barraba NSW, the hometown of my friend's boyfriend. Turns out Charles bought the property from said boyfriend's godfather, and he used to swim in the lake in front of Charles's house as a wee tacker. (The boyfriend that is, not the godfather or Charles). Although new to Barraba, Charles is said to be quite a catch.
And there you have it folks, another week of trying to find love on the land. Until next week when our lonely hearts turn up in more contrived situations than an episode of The Hills.
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