Rodents As Roommates

Recently I have acquired another roommate. Let me introduce you to Roscoe, the squirrel.

He comes to visit on a regular basis and likes to trawl through the filth my human roommate leaves on the floor of her room. It is a veritable trash and treasure for rodents, with garbage, dirty clothes and empty pizza boxes to go through.

Most of the time he doesn't intrude, he simply gnaws on whatever it is he finds and is then off out the window again. My roommate wants to catch him and keep him as a pet, which shouldn't be surprising giver her track record.

I often wonder what my life would be like with only Roscoe as a room mate. Here are a few things I've come up with…

• Roscoe the squirrel won’t come home crying in the early hours of the morning because someone called him a bitch.
• Roscoe is, as far as I can tell, a lot more hygienic than many humans I know. He’d pitch in with household chores by eating crumbs and whatever is left lying around.
• Roscoe won’t leave bags of garbage in the kitchen for three months before taking them out.
• As a tiny creature from the wilderness, Roscoe would have little use for a fridge and even less of a chance of actually opening one. This would mean more space for me, and zero chance of a tray of turkey being left in the fridge from Thanksgiving – a holiday that was also several months ago.
• Roscoe’s short rodent fur would not clog the drain pipes.
• There would be little to no noise coming from Roscoe, give him a milk crate to chew and he’ll be more than content. A much nicer prospect than having to listen to Nickelback and Nicki Minaj whenever the mood strikes my human roommate.

Sadly, I think I'm stuck with the human for a while longer. But, a girl can dream.