Episode 2: When Love Comes To A Remote Location And The Girls Can't Cope

The pelicans can't wait for the intruders to leave the island. 

On this episode of WLCTT, the big black bus aka BBB gets on the Sealink ferry and floats across to Kangaroo Island as we are promised that tonight, the quest for love gets tougher. Yippee.

We are introduced to more of the girls, including one with woeful eyebrows who says she is just waiting to meet her Mr Darcy. Eyebrows follows this statement by admitting her favourite romance novel of all time is 50 Shades of Grey. It's at about this point I hear a noise in the distance. Yes, it was definitely the faint sound of Jane Austen turning in her grave. 

We get to know single mum Jemma and the cave dweller who left Toadie heartbroken in the last episode again tells us she is looking for her magic man. Rebekah (or as I like to think of her, the poor man's Princess Mary of Denmark) and her ample bosom bounce out of the BBB ready to make an influence, and Abbey's teeth can't wait to get a hold of some of the island's best fare. 

Time to bring out the blokes - Tom the island mechanic, who will give anyone a hand if they break down, and Gav the stonemason who loves adventure. Gav should also be looking for someone who knows what a stonemason is, as these girls clearly have no idea. Renee is relishing being free of Moshe's banana and says she's going for the sick feeling when she's attracted to someone. I think the sick feeling will probably be left to us at home. 50 Shades chooses Tom for her group date because she doesn't want to have to hire a hubby. 

The girls with Tom go to his farm to catch crays, and get up close and personal with some fish heads. Princess Mary gets right in and dirty and claims the island is right up her alley. I can think of other alleys she'd be better suited to, but she continues swimming in Tom's eyes and twitching her head back and forth. 50 Shades stands and chats with the mechanic in the rain, and tells him she'd love to just stop in a paddock and read. The hippie nanny Kelly has also chosen Tom as she reveals she is a horse person. Abort, Tom, ABORT! But it's too late and he chooses hippie horsey and Princess Mary for one on one dates. 

On the other group date, Gav takes his girls to see some rocks. They have to pick them up and ruin their nails much to their horror. I mean, Abbey just had her nails done yesterday Gav, you think you're gonna find a wife pulling shit like this? The girls want him to show them his guns, but he declines and gets to the business of splitting stones. One chick says she has rock in her lipstick, and I'm also happy to confirm she definitely has rocks in her head. The single mum shows some creativity which Gav enjoys but he is a little shocked when she tells him about her son. He covers by saying, "Yeah, cool." Nice one. Jess tells Gav she's looking for her magic man, he's attracted to her at first but then she says she couldn't live on the island. Struck out. Shelley is obsessed with snow and holidays and can't talk about her feelings. Naturally, Gav really likes her and asks her and Jemma to stay for more dates. 

Gav and Shelley go fishing and get attacked by pelicans on their date, she wishes there was no wind. Then Gav blindfolds Jemma and takes her to an art studio where he forces her to teach him to paint. Then she tells him she doesn't want any  more kids, but he does so it's pretty much game over. 

The mechanic takes hippie horsey on a boat to get some oysters, she hates oysters and when he makes her try one she ends up spitting it out. No aphrodisiac effect here. According to Tom, she is the full package. He then meets Princess Mary and takes her on a tour of Kingscote and to the pub, where you can see her g-string hanging out the top of her pants. She asks him about their age difference and he plays it well by saying he'd want someone to focus on their career first and have a family later. 

Before decision day Gav doesn't want the girls to be fooled by the rocks that he's got, and shows them his pet joey and the mechanic and hippie horsey sit by a fire while vegetarian Princess Mary cooks them dinner. Then it's decision time, Gav is left alone as his two girls get back on the bus. I think he's gotten out of that quite well. At least he still has his rocks. Princess Mary gets back on the bus because of course we couldn't get rid of her that easily. Hippie horsey decides she wants to stay with Tom, rendering him reality-TV speechless, wherein he continues to talk for at least another five minutes. 

An update on Arms and JJ: Arms is hot and funny and annoying according to JJ, and he loves annoying her and loves it when she holds his hand. She meets his mum who likes her cheerfulness and thinks they're falling in love. Arms is planning to visit JJ in Melbourne, but he wants her to stay forever as his socks have blown off. He should probably switch brands. 

Next time, on When Gold Diggers Come To Town, the whiners visit the Barossa and meet some winemakers and it looks like 50 Shades of bad eyebrows has a breakdown. Until next week, when the search for love gets more shallow.