Epidsode 1: When Love Comes To Town

Adam and Moshe realise they've made a huge mistake. 

Move over Tinder, Natalie Gruzlewski is driving around Australia in a big black bus, filled with super-tanned, short-short wearing, horny desperados. The aforementioned women will meet two 'blokes' in each town they stop and will have to make the choice to stay for love, or get back on the bus to loneliness. 

First stop, Margaret River, WA. The local farmers market is where the fresh meat is first paraded out in front of tonight's contenders, Adam and Moshe. One of the main things I love about Nat is she's always offering helpful advice, such as, "Make a good first impression". The girls are feeling competitive, and hippie nanny Kelly is in it to win it, but doesn't think she'll punch anyone. That honour will be left to the viewer, who will want to punch her in the face after a few short segments. 

Adam is a carpenter/surfer who says he is, "honestly looking for the right girl". He's also doing his best job to convince himself joining this car crash wasn't a bad idea. Moshe, who I hope has the last name Pitt, is a laid back lawyer, sort of the post-Lite'n'Easy Toadfish Rebecchi of Margaret River. I'm looking forward to the part where he takes the girls on a group date to Lassiter's. 

Someone makes a cricket analogy, and teams are picked for the group date, then Nat says 'let's hope lightning strikes'. We will hope it strikes something, like JJ's head perhaps. 

On their group date with the debonair Adam, the girls are made to build a chook shed. Adam is clearly not one to pass up the chance of having a few spare sets of hands around. He strips down to his wife beater, exposing his muscular physique, and the already suffocating atmosphere of women in heat is heightened. Hammers and nails are passed around, this scares one lady quite a lot, as she has to work for her supper by hitting a nail into place. It's clear she would like to nail something else. 

Moshe takes his ladies to the local show, a classic Australian date if ever there was one. Two of the girls have to drive themselves. Chivalry is alive and well in Margaret River. They all look and point, "A Ferris wheel!"  I mean, who would have thought? Rebecca, however it is spelled, goes for a one on one walk with Moshe and her head is twitching so much by trying to be flirtatious you'd think she has some kind of problem needing medical attention. Turns out she just wants someone to listen to her, which will be the only option the poor boy has as she doesn't appear to ever stop and draw a breath. 

Meanwhile, the chook shed is taking shape, and the hippie nanny corners Adam and asks him if he likes kids. It's quite an awkward conversation where she tells him she was a nanny in the Bahamas for a year where she looked after kids as a nanny so yeah I did that for a year. Everyone clear on that? Adam shows JJ his tractor, not a euphemism. JJ says every guy she dates ends up hating her personality, and the other girls tell her she is amazing, even though they've only known her two days. I can't wait to see how this goes. 

Back at the sideshows, Jessica is scared of a bull and Moshe wins a big banana that the girls have to share. Sounds like the premise for a home-made sex tape. Girls are chosen for one-on-one dates, Jessica and Renee with Moshe, and Abbey and JJ with Adam's arms. I wonder what his arms will think of JJ's supposedly shit personality. 

Abbey and Arms eventually go surfing, after he puts his wetsuit on backwards. Breed with this one, ladies. Abbey tried to find some shorter shorts to wear to the beach, but they'd all been bought by Kylie Minogue circa her Spinning Around music video. Abbey wants to sun bake, cos, like, it's totally what she does best. 

Moshe waits nonchalantly by a tree for Jessica then takes her to a cave. It doesn't end as sinisterly as it could have, they drink champagne and have a beige conversation where she talks about wanting to meet her Magic Man. He ain't Moshe, I'll give you the hot tip. 

Renee has a cup of tea with her banana and then goes on a picnic in a forest with Pseudo-Toadfish. 'This is amazing' she says as she sees a tree. 

Arms and JJ go to his local pub, a place where he has had good times before. He winks, she makes a bad joke, Nat makes a pithy comment that wasn't very pithy. Arms gets jealous when JJ talks about the guys who hated her. Then he says anyone would 'give their back teeth' to be in his position. I'd give my back teeth to be watching something else. But that would be no fun. 

Decision day arrives, where Toadie makes breakfast in bed for his two girls, and Arms wakes up on the couch then goes for a walk with a stick. Much like his character in Neighbours, Toadie is left stranded as Renee and Jessica get back on the bus. At least he still has his banana. Abbey gets back on the bus too, but JJ decides to stay and see how long it will take Arms to get jealous of the life he had before she came to town. 

The search for love continues on Kangaroo Island, where there may be more than one set of remarkable rocks on display.