Catching Up: Part One

At least John and Adrian still have the big strawberry to
keep them warm at night.

Hello dear readers, are you ready for a three-episode synopsis of Australia's beloved grass-is-greener search for love, When Love Comes To Town? 

Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for you, I missed episode five where the bus rolled into Sale to meet a handsome hairdresser and another guy who has never had a girlfriend. These two must have turned on the charms because I am shattered to report Downteeth Abbey got off the bus to be with a hairdresser who shares her passion for sweeping her hair to one side of her head. You know what they say, the couple who hair-styles together stays together for at least a few weeks. And the other guy persuaded Shelley to get off the bus to go to a playground. An update showed these new couples on a double date where the hairdresser jumped up on a table and wowed Downteeth with his mad guitar skillz. 

In the biggest plot twist so far, six new girls joined the quest for love in Sale and now we have a whole new pack of gold-diggers to deal with. Ain't love grand? My first look at them makes me realise I have grown quite fond of the little group we already had, I find myself cheering for old gal Ainslie and hoping that croaky beige Renee will meet a nice country boy. Hell, I'm even hoping Jess finds her magic man and lives happily ever after. What has happened to me? 

This week we are in Cobram, and Nat tells us it's a small town with a big heart, and the big strawberry. Who doesn't love a piece of oversized fake fruit? Two knights in shining armour ride in on stallions. Then they immediately ride off again as they see Rebekah's head twitching viciously, hoping to secure their affections. The real guys of Cobram are wheeled out, John the cactus farmer and Adrian the farmer slash furniture maker. Crazy Cactus is 6'10" and says doorways are his biggest enemy. Wait until he meets these girls. Slashie Adrian has very white teeth, pointing to a strict dental hygiene regime and huge potential, if only these girls knew what to look for. 

Slashie Adrian takes his girls to a local fundraiser and makes them sell sausages. He hits it off with Ainslie and they bounce around in a jumping castle. One of the new girls, Zoe, talks to him and he thinks she has a spark about her. Side note - Zoe looks like a girl who used to be in Neighbours and played a blind character looking for her birth mother. She had been victim of a switched-at-birth scenario, and arrived in Erinsborough to find the Timmins family which included a fair number of nut-bags, including Stingray. To finish this tangent, the actor who played Stingray went to my high-school formal and had to deal with freaks like me yelling out 'Stingray!' all night. Ah, the memories. 

Adrian chooses Neighbours Girl and Old Gal Ainslie for one on one dates. 

At the cactus farm, Door Enemy Number One has to deal with a beauty therapist getting a splinter, he serves strawberry margaritas and we learn new girl Caitlin's dad thought she may have been a lesbian. Renee thinks she has a lot in common with Door Enemy, as she walks next to him as he pushes a wheelbarrow. Door Enemy chooses Lesbian Caitlin for a date because of her height and her looks, not for her sexual orientation. Renee is also chosen for a date, probably for her wheelbarrow-pushing credentials. 

Door Enemy and Renee do something with a cactus, she asks him if he likes the lesbian better and he doesn't really answer. Renee cracks the sads and walks off to get some water. To make up for the shit cactus date, Door Enemy takes both girls on a paddle steamer where they 'cheers' to the Murray River, like that's what it needs. Perhaps they should have toasted to good health, as not long after this Renee gets a phone call to say her grandfather has had a stroke. Seems like an elaborate escape route from Door Enemy, but it works and he is left alone to discover if Caitlin likes the cactus after all. 

Slashie takes his girls water skiing, and after applying sunscreen to Ainslie's old and wrinkled skin, he gets on the skis and shows them how it's done. They seem amazed he is also good at water sports, maybe he's the whole package. Old Gal gives it a shot and discovers she is awesome at water skiing. Neighbours Girl then tries but she sucks and swallows half of the Murray. So that's what caused the drought. Old Gal and Slashie sit and chat as we are treated to Ainslie's rejection montage from throughout the series. It would only have been improved had it been set to Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time. 

Back on the paddle steamer, Door Enemy tells Lesbian Caitlin she is amazing and gorgeous, but she should only get off the bus if she's 100 per cent. She eats pancakes as she tries to figure out if she's attracted to John or not. 

It turns out Slashie Adrian lives in a shed, which does not impress Neighbours Girl, but Ainslie thinks it is quite charming. He really likes her and takes the girls out to the paddock at the time of day where 'the light goes soft and the shadows go long and it's really peaceful'. He actually said that, meaning of course he's too good for these girls and is going to be left alone even though he's the perfect age for the Old Gal. 

Decision day arrives, and Lesbian Caitlin cries because John is a man then she gets back on the bus. Neighbours Girl says she felt like a third wheel around Adrian and Ainslie so she's back on the bus too. Adrian says he really likes and connected with Ainslie. So naturally, she decides to get back on the bus because someone who is perfect is not good enough. YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER AINSLIE. 

To be continued as the bus rolls into Orange.